Pure Terror

You know what it's like when you realize you have really screwed up. That horrible realization, that sinking feeling, and that incredible yearning to be able to wind back time. But you can't, the deed is done. Your stupidity has won out again. I'm a very meticulous person and I'm very careful no matter what I do and I think that just makes these feelings ten times worse. I'm not used to them.

I opened my wallet to get my debit/check card to get gas this afternoon. The family and I were going for a little drive and maybe to eat. I remembered for once that tomorrow is my turn to drive in the carpool so I needed a full tank. Wait where is my card, oh I must have given to Tandi. She never gives my stuff back. No I didn't give it to her. Panic rising. Where was I ... panic panic... I was at the mall last night ... searing panic. I was hungry, the kids were noisy, the mall was crowded, my blood sugar was low. I bought a clip for my cell phone. No that wasn't it. I went to the ATM by the food court. Oh nooooo .... oh my stomach .... the ATM. That had to be it. How could I be so stupid. Where is the phone, give me the damn phone. I call the bank. They want my card number. I don't have my fu**ing &^#%$&@**$&$^ card you assholes I just pressed the lost card number. Finally managed to report the card stolen. Oh now what, my mind is racing. My stomach hurts, my chest hurts. There was a large amount of money in that account. Some stupid teenager has probably bought a lifetimes supply of jeans and comics and crack. I have to get home now and log into my account.

The account is just a couple hundred bucks less than when I checked yesterday. It doesn't always show transactions right away. Is an ATM/check card insured? It is a VISA. Only time will tell. Tandi called the mall. Two cards have been turned in and neither are mine. The person at the mall says the ATM will shred any card that isn't removed within two minutes.

Only time will tell if I am bankrupt. There is a daily dollar limit on that card, but I don't know what it is. I have spent up to $700 in a day without a problem.

I can't believe I'm such an idiot. I'm always paranoid about losing something from my wallett. Every time I take it out of my pocket I always do a quick inventory. I need a beer.

sp